In the Shop I

Come forward, the counter’s just in front of you.

Thanks a lot.

You have a lovely smile.

On the Bus I

Would your dog like some biscuits?

That’s very kind, but no thank you.

But they’re cat biscuits.

On the Street I

You’re doing really well, walking along on your own.

Thanks.  You too.

On My First Day At Secondary School

Do you have other disabled students here?

Disabled students? Of course not, we’re a grammar school.

On the Street II

Do you want any help?

Can you see if I’ve got it all?

There’s some just behind you.

Thanks.  Where abouts?

Give me the bag, I’ll do it.

Are you sure? I don’t mind picking it up.

Of course.  It’s easier if I do it.  My dog’s done one as well so I’ve got to go to the bin anyway.

Well, thanks all the same.  I know it’s not a very nice job.

On My Doorstep

You can’t sign for this, can you?

Yes.

In the Pub I

Hello, can I speak to your dog?

You can speak to me as well if you like.

In the Taxi I

Shall I put your seatbelt on for you?

I’m ok thanks, I’ve got it.

Alright love, I know you like to be independent and do things all by yourself.

In the University’s Disability Department I

Hi, I was wondering if you could help me.  My guide dog pen seems to have been moved.

Oh.

Do you know what the guide dog pen is?

It’s not for him to take notes with, is it?

No.  It’s the big metal cage that’s supposed to be outside your office window.

On the Street II

Hello dog, what’s your name?

He’s called Tate.

Aww.  Hello Tate, how old are you?

He’s 3.

And what kind of dog are you then, Tate?

He’s a labrador retriever.  So, are you out shopping today?

Bye Tate.

In the Shop II

Do you want slices today?

No thanks.  Just a small milk, please.

My assistant will get it for you.  Adam, can you get this lady a big milk?

I’d like a small one, please.  A pint of milk.

Not that one, Adam.  She wants a big one.

She said she wanted a small one, boss.

But she means a big one, the £1 ones.

No, I’d like a small milk.  The smallest you’ve got, please.  A pint of milk.

Put that back, Adam.  She wants the big one.

In the Cafe I

I was just saying to my husband, I read this article where the guide dog was taking its owner for a walk and the owner wasn’t listening to the dog or something, so the owner crossed the road at the wrong time.  The dog had to save their life.

On the Street III

Excuse me.

Hi.

I know you all have sight difficulties, but do you think it’s fair that you’re standing in a long line like that, all ten of you.  You’re blocking the pavement so that pensioners like me have to walk out into the road.

I know.  Sorry.  I’ll try and get my friends to move.

In the Pub II

Hello.  Do you know the RNIB in Bedminster?

No.

You haven’t heard of the RNIB?

I have but I don’t know where Bedminster is.

If you meet me there at 2 o’clock on Friday, I’ll say a prayer for your eyes.

Talking to a Child

Excuse me, why is your dog pooing?

Because he needs the toilet.  You know, like you poo when you go to the toilet.

Oh.

On My Behalf

Good morning.  I’m ringing on behalf of a client of mine, who’s registered blind.  She’s received a letter from the council about the new parking permit scheme and we were wondering what she has to do so that visitors can park outside her house.

Well what she needs to do is, when she’s parked her car, she needs to ask someone to read the registration plate to her and then we can put her car’s registration on the system for her.  Oh but if she’s blind she can’t drive, can she?

On the Street IV

You used to have a stick with a ball on the end, and now you have a beautiful dog.

Yes.

Is he a good dog?

Oh yes.  Nice weather today, isn’t it?

In the Shop II

Excuse me, do you work here?

Yeah, how can I help?

I was wondering if you could help me find some nectarines.

Nectarines.  Which isle will they be in?

The fruit isle, I think.

Ok.  What do they look like?

They’re orangey fruit.

Oh.  Oranges.

No, they’re like peaches.

Ah ok.  What do peaches look like?

Don’t worry.  I’ll just get some apples.

On the Phone

So how’re we all getting to this restaurant?

We’ll walk.

Do you know where we’re going?

I’ve got satnav.

None of us can see to guide though.

We’ll make a train, it’s fine.

On the Street V

Hello.

Hello, how are you?

I’m fine thanks.  Are your eyes getting better?

No.

Aww.

I’m going now.

In the Chemist

Does she pay for her prescriptions?

Yes I do.

On the Bus II

Is he a lab or a goldie?

He’s both.

But is he a lab or a goldie?

He’s a cross.

So he’s not a lab or a goldie.

He’s a mixture of both breeds.  He’s a labrador retriever.

Oh.  So he’s not a proper dog.

In the Taxi II

How did you come with no sight?

I was born blind.

In my religion, I worship Allah and he believes that you were born with no sight because you were a sinful child.

Really?

But there are lots of bad things in this world that we see, like we have to look at posters of naked people and bad things in the news every day, you know? But you haven’t seen any of these bad things so Allah says that your eyes are pure and virginal.

I see.

It must be so hard without seeing.

Not really, I was born that way.

In my religion, they say that you were born that way because your parents are sinful.

No, they’re not sinful.  You can’t say that about my parents, they’re good people.  We believe in God too.  My parents told me that I was born blind because God knew that I would use my experiences to help others with sight problems.

On the Bus Iii

It must be so hard getting off the bus when you can’t see.  I suppose you hear the turns, do you?

I feel the turns.

You have to use all your senses, don’t you? Much better than we do.

At the Wedding Rehearsal

That’s a lovely dog you’ve got.

Thank you.  What’s your name?

Oh I’m just one of the church wardens.  So will your dog be coming to the wedding tomorrow?

Yes, he’ll be guiding me.

And will he be dressing up?

He’ll be wearing his fancy collar.  I’ll be wearing a nice dress as it happens, so will the bride.

On the Street VI

Aww mate.  That dog’s ghetto!

In the Shop III

What can I do for you?

A pack of mint Aeros, please.  There are ladders outside your shop.

Yeah, we’re having some work done.

I just walked into them.

I thought I put tape round it.

I wouldn’t see that, would I? I hit my face.

Oh.  You need to walk in the road.

That road’s busy, I don’t really want to be walking where the traffic is.

What I’ll do is I’ll ask the boss to walk you round the corner.

Thank you, that’s really helpful.

In the University’s Canteen

Is this your boyfriend helping you today? It’s nice to see you with such a handsome man.

He’s my lecturer.

On the Street Vii

Your dog’s not very good, is it? Didn’t even look left or right when you crossed the road.

In the Taxi III

So who helps you then? Do you have carers and that?

No, I live on my own.  I do everything myself, to be honest.

Where’s your parents?

They live up North.

Disgusting.

What?

They’re your parents, they bring you up.  They should do everything for you.

But I wouldn’t want that.  I do things myself and that’s the way I like it.

On the Street VIII

Do you need any help, love?

I’m ok thanks.  This is Swindon Road, isn’t it?

Well it is, but you’re on my driveway.

Oops, sorry!

No problem, love.  You need to turn round and go back the way you came.

Thank you.

At the Party

What kind of music do you like?

A bit of everything really.  Your favourite singer must be Stevie Wonder.

Nah, it’s Kate Bush.

In the University’s Disability Department II

Thanks for coming in.

No problem.

I just need you to sign a form.

Ok.  Where do I need to sign?

Here.

Where, sorry?

There, just there.

Could you take my hand and show me where to sign, please?

On the Street IX

Tate, find the button.

I’ve pressed it.

Thanks.  I need to find the button myself.

But I’ve pressed it for you.

I need to find the button so I can line myself up for crossing the road.

Oh.  I’ll move then.

In the Taxi IV

How did you lose your sight then?

I was born blind.

I bet it must be hard.

I don’t think so.

I bet you want your sight back though.

I don’t actually.  I’ve never had sight so I wouldn’t be getting it back, would I? I’d be getting this whole new sense my brain wouldn’t be able to cope with.

You don’t know what you’re missing, all those beautiful things you can’t see.  Trees and that.

Exactly.  I don’t know what I’m missing because I’ve never had sight.  You can’t miss something you’ve never had.

You’re just incredible.

It’s not incredible.  Ok.  Imagine if someone told you right now “I’m going to give you the power to fly.” Would you take it?

I don’t know.

You’ve never been able to fly, so you have no idea what it would be like.  So you wouldn’t necessarily want it, would you?

I suppose not.

That’s how I feel about sight.  I’m blind and happy.

In the Cafe II

Could I have a banoffee eclair and a chocolate milkshake please?

Of course.  You have such lovely pearly white teeth.

Thanks.  It’s the eclairs and milkshakes that do it.